I'm a blogging slacker. seriously. I have lots to write and to say but for the most part I have a 3yo that pries my computer out of my hands most of the time.

We started a no tech Tuesdays along with no spend January this month. so far both are going well. our no tech just means that after J gets home from work, no computers, tv, phones etc are allowed. I wanted to do it during the day but I'm a facebook junkie (I should just delete it) and our tv is our source of radio through Pandora. It's quite nice to have such quiet at night but made me feel so sad that we actually had to make it a rule. Once mild weather rolls around tv/tech isn't a big issue but with winter it seems like we are parked in front of the tv way too much at night.

No spend January is also pretty good, we've made a few flubs but it's more due to not including them in the rules. We are just going easy on it, no new stuff basically just no new useless things that are clutter are allowed. We obviously allow food, soap, gas for the Jeep and bills but if we absolutely HAVE to buy something it has to be thrifted. Which is good because S suddenly seemed to outgrow her snow pants and I found an awesome LL Bean pair for $6 at a kids consignment shop. What's even better is that with no spending and some Christmas money we will be further ahead this month than we've been (sadly) in a long time. I think we are most likely going to extend and do a Frugal February and a No Madness March ;) I'd like to push for the whole year but I know it's probably not completely feasible since there are some things coming up that will require money. But hopefully we can work those into account and avoid all other spending.

I haven't been to the gym in ummm for freakin' ever. I pulled my neck really really badly and basically at this point am just getting back to feeling normal. I need to go and just walk on the treadmill but it's so lame to do that. I'm on a no running order from my Chiro who thinks that my cold and the impact of running on my spine is what caused it. I keep telling myself I'll go but I haven't and I HATE paying for it every month and not use it. So yes I need to go back. and no I can't get out of the contract, it would cost a bit more than we could swing.

I need to go finish up dinner. here's hoping someone actually reads this.

the sky is brilliantly blue, the clouds are wisps of flotsam, the tree stretch up. the last of the leaves are falling. my favorite season seems to be prematurely winding down. dust motes meander through the curtains, the cat stares intently at something outside, that I simply cannot find. the quiet that I am trying to create is overthrown by a demanding almost three year old. She is so much of me that sometimes, I find her frustrating in the very same context I irritate myself. Her stubbornness, her precise personality, and her pushing of independence is her holding a mirror up to me.

I am struggling a lot lately, as I have done a lot since S was born, with just where I am going. I feel so incredibly direction less. I'm not saying I was structured to the T before, but I at least felt much more able to accomplish what I wanted. I have such internal conflict about what I want. It's like I just realized I am approaching 30 with no career, no experience, and while I went to college, there is nothing there to fall back on. I tell myself it is okay to be "just a mom" but it's just not how I see myself. I honestly never saw myself having children, I always thought I'd just have a career and travel for that, live in a big city etc. And I struggle with that woman inside of me who still wants those things. I completely suck at finding any type of balance, whether is emotional, relationship, food-related. I feel like if I go back to school, choose a career, I will be done with kids. Mainly I say that because I don't want to put my kids in daycare or go back to school, go into debt just to get pregnant, stay home again and then not even start working for a good time after that. But I'm pretty certain I am not done. If we could right now, without finances being an issue, I think we'd be more open to babies. But since we struggle so completely right now, another baby to feed, cloth etc just seems irresponsible. This kind of internal conflict is so wasteful because I feel like I am not in the now, with always looking forward to figure out what is next. I honestly wish I could just have a life planner sit me down and tell me how to manage, what/where I should be doing. I guess that'd be God, huh?

Today the bitter cold air came back. With big soft floaty snow flakes. They were beautiful. But to me everything on Sundays is beautiful. I love Sundays more than any other day of the week. There is a quiet peace to the day. The sleepiness that settles into the day, the slow movement of the clock, the cups of coffee, the snuggly babe, the cold nosed dog. I love everything about our Sundays. It is always without question the guaranteed day that J is home all day long. It is a quiet day. Today we hung out in our jammies until 2 or so. J made breakfast. I didn't cook one meal today! I don't think that's ever happened! I crafted. J and S made a diorama of an aquarium. We stayed in all day together. It was so completely what we needed.

Why I love our Sundays
*Big mugs of coffee that are enjoyed leisurely
*Quiet
*Sufjan Stevens and Iron&Wine on Pandora
*Family naptime in our big king bed
*Long hot showers without a toddler
*J is home so I can shower, read, clean, cook, craft without tripping over a little
*The streaming sunshine that pours into our front room casting heart shadows
*Breakfast for dinner :)
*Feeling like there is no place in the world I'd rather be


Here's some pictures of what I made today

Hearts for SG's bedroom door


Heartstring


Love on a string


Tutu for SG


It has been a good day